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01 November 2008 @ 12:45 pm
[nano: day one] excerpt!  
A long excerpt to celebrate day one. ;)

"He turns to the right and she turns to the left; that's all it takes to lose his hand in the crowd.

There's a fleeting moment before she realizes what's happened, a moment while her hand clenches around air in confusion and she is jostled by bodies that are suddenly
not her father, and she doesn't know how this happened...

She starts weaving through the churning legs, blinded by the mass of bodies filtering through the traffic. Her hand's are still outstretched, grasping trousers and shirt sleeves as she searches for the hand she lost with a growing apprehension that makes her movements jerkier. Oh, she'll be in trouble for sure, when Daddy finds her: he had said it in his repeating voice after all, don't drop my hand and don't drop my hand and don't drop my hand, enough times that it's all she hears when she blinks, don't drop my hand, Leah, don't drop my hand. But now there's horns and shouting and babies wailing, an absolute cacophony pressing insistently against her. It's the first time she realizes that no one will hear her if she screams, and even at four years old she'll never forget the feeling."
 
 
Current Mood: giddygiddy
 
 
 
the_magpyethe_magpye on November 1st, 2008 10:53 pm (UTC)
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

:D

Now you just know I want to read all of it. :)
before_drizzle on November 1st, 2008 10:57 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it. *g*

My Inner Editor (tm) says I'm using far too many commas, along with using 'and' more times than is healthy. But. Alas, I'm supposedly ignoring my Inner Editor.

You're posting an excerpt soonish too, right?
the_magpyethe_magpye on November 1st, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC)
I've emailed it you. ;D Too lazy to post it right now - plus, it's big. And I'm not happy with it. *pouts*

Lol, my Inner Editor is being a bit of a crackhead right now. Keeps dragging me back over the same few paragraphs, my descriptions gone out of the window and my writing style's just gone Boom. With the capital B. xDDD

Ah well, the joys of NaNo!